Welcome to Mar-a-Lago, Home of the Palm Beach Payola

 

Whether you're a foreign dignitary, swingin' K street lobbyist, FSB agent posing as a bellhop, or just some work-a-day schnook in "construction", you'll enjoy the gilded grounds of Mar-a-Lago—a tremendous seaside resort that will cater to your every pay-for-play need. Come rub elbows with the fellows! Apply for membership today!

 
 

enjoy the best ballroom security briefings

Thrill as political appointees discuss Korean nukes over well-done steak frites. Maybe even meet "Rick who carries the nuclear football". You never know when the ballroom might go ballistic.

Learn More →

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play golf ... and deny it

At Mar-a-Lago, our professional staff is trained to lie about your every move. You're welcome.

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meet the president ... without a background check

No rigorous screening here. Members simply provide their photo ID at the door, and guests don't need to give their names.

Find Out How →

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Lobby for your pet anti-establishment cause

Are you a corporate lobbyist? Union lobbyist? Finance lobbyist? Any kind of lobbyist? If so, we think you'll like the perks.

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Many people are saying many tremendous things!

 
Beautiful open-air security briefings!

Beautiful open-air security briefings!

Sooper seekrit golf courses!

Sooper seekrit golf courses!

The nicest foreign workers!

The nicest foreign workers!

Tremendous food! Never a complaint!

Tremendous food! Never a complaint!

Only the finest espionage!

Only the finest espionage!

Ample "quiet areas"!

Ample "quiet areas"!

Relax at taxpayer expense!

Relax at taxpayer expense!

Oh, and the security? <chef kisses fingers> Beautiful!

Oh, and the security? <chef kisses fingers> Beautiful!

 

Apply for membership today!

You, too, can be a member of America's finest club. Stroll through the Dodd-Frank Vomitorium ... Join the Budgetary Roundtable and Buffet … Enjoy the Deregulation Panel with Turndown Service … . Simply follow the steps below and send your application in today. 

I go, you go, we all go ... to Mar-a-Lago!

1) Get the application

Read, print, and sign!

2) Mail it in

Mail your application to:

President Donald J. Trump
The Mar-a-Lago Club
1100 South Ocean Boulevard
Palm Beach, Florida 33480

(May we suggest including some sort of bribe? Monopoly money maybe? Or chocolate coins? Those things are the best.)

 

3) Share with friends

Take a pic of your application and share it with the hashtag #maralagome

That's it! You're done. Thanks for participating in our democracy. God bless you. And God bless the Country Club of America.